Friday, September 28, 2007

Never in a Million Years

Growing up, I always, without a doubt, wanted to be a wife and mother. There was never a question in my mind about having at least 2 children of my own. I assumed I would be able to get pregnant right off the bat and have all of my babies by the time I was at the oldest, 28. I knew that my life would never feel complete without having children of my own to raise. While I knew I would love to welcome foster children in my home at some point, having my own babies was/is very important to me.

Over the past year or two, I've come to realize that this dream of motherhood is not just my dream, but this dream is shared by many of my friends who are married and now ready for the next step. Sadly, for many of us, this dream is not becoming reality at all.

Never in a million years did I think that my friends and I would go through miscarriages and fertility problems. While I feel like I've waited for a long time, several of my close friends have waited much, much longer. I hurt for these girls and their husbands, because motherhood is one of the most selfless things. They are great girls who will make excellent mothers and it's not fair that they're having to wait and in some cases it's not fair that they won't be able to make that dream a reality without going through drastic measures or adoption.

For those of you going through this right now, please know that I am praying for you and sad with you. I know each of us will get through this, but it's an exhausting journey in the meantime.

While I am at peace with not trying right now, and happy in every other aspect of my life right now, there is still that part of me that is incomplete, as I know it is for others. I look forward to the day when we can all look back on this time of our life/phase of our life and know that it was all worth it!


Emily said...

I hate the reproductive system!

Prayers for you!

Jessica said...

While I hate that it has to be a common bond, I'm so glad I have someone to share it with.

You are in my daily prayers as well! Hopefully in the near future we can call each other at 3 a.m. while comforting crying babies of our own and laugh about all the work it took to get there!

sike-o said...

Although my "problems" were short lived....I sympathize with you and pray for you daily! :)
We all fall to our knees wondering God's plan for us. I had my life planned out...but know there is HOPE! At 33, finally MY plan fit with GOD's! :) Hang in there!!!

Hannah said...

I feel with you. I don't understand why God allows some to be pregnant who don't even want kids and those who so desperately want them can't. It took us two years to concieve our first, our 2nd was no problem but now the dr.'s think I will have a hard time again. I am like you and always wanted to be a wife and mother. There is nothing I would rather do. I am so grateful that I have two and if that is all I can ever have I will always be thankful. I have many friends who keep trying and can't even get pregnant. I will be praying for you.